Here we are!!! Week 24 of the Heisler TV Championship Series. Don’t worry I’ll be catchinmg you up on what the fuck that actually is. We’re talking some real Day’s of Thunder type shit. TV shows souped to the gills going head to head for papers!!!
The Rules
It’s quite simple. The season runs from September to July. Every week I take all the broadcast ratings and streaming data from around the world that I can find on Albert Gore’s internet and I apply points based on placement of 5 highest rated shows in the world. ONLY THE TOP 5 SHOWS SCORE POINTS. The points are scored as followed:
- 50 points
- 40 points
- 35 points
- 32 Points
- 30 Points
2 bonus points are awarded to a show for increasing their viewership from the previous week. Here were the first 10 shows to score points this season.
Broadcast ratings come in 2 phases. Overnights and finals. Overnights are the base rating of who watched live. Finals count DVR and on demand data and are ready within a day or 2 after original air date(Mondays ratings are finalized by wednesday) but Streaming data is a month behind broadcasting data in the USA because the streaming companies are busy figuring out how to hide the real number so they don’t have to pay creators what they are actually worth, but I digress.
Week 1 is usually an outlier and the shows that consistantly score points start to really heat up as the fall begins. This year we had the FIFA Womens world cup score some early points, but to win the league you need what I call “wall paper shows.” Those are shows that have 100 or more episodes and are good enough to keep on but also not good enough that you feel like you need to pay attention the whole time. Think Grey’s Anatomy, Friends, Young Sheldon and the Reigning champion Yellowstone.
Grey’s Anatomy made a valiant effort last year and is looking to take the crown this year. This year had a new show enter the “Wall paper” genre and that was Suits. Powered by a combo of nostaglgia and Dutchess Meghan Markle Suits sustained 10 weeks as the most streamined show and for most of the fall never finished below 3rd place. But, the real juggernaut of the fall is obvioulsy The National Football League. From sepyember until early February there is a 100 percent chance that the most watched show that week was an NFL football game. No one watches a sport in larger numbers than Americans watch the NFL. THIS is where wall paper shows like Grey’s Anatomy and NCIS have the advangtage because they can score points from both Streaming and Broadcast. With all this said it is REALLY HARD to make a show that millions of people will watch for billions of minutes at a time, so scoring any TV series points is an honor and a privilege. But the trophy is usually left for the big boys that have the episode count to sustain a real championship bid. i.e 60 Minutes may take first place one week but it will NEVER win the series. They are just happy to be there at all by July.
Week 24 Results
Which brings us to the latest week of this year’s series. Super Bowl Sunday was the final week of NFL dominance. This year’s game was a part of the NFL on CBS and hung a M.A.S.H. number — becoming the most watched telecast in the history of American TV with 123.7 million viewers tuning in across all platforms for the NFL’s and Taylor Swift’s season finale. That shoots the NFL on CBS to 5th in the World shows Championship, and Taylor to Number 1 in our (non-incel) hearts. Tracker is a new show that caught the post superbowl crowd, look for that to tapper off a tad. But 40 points ain’t nothin’ to slouch at as some moron would say. Tracker is good for 35th in the Shows’ Championship, and it stars that dreamy blonde fuck who played Green Arrow on Smallville and a dreamy blonde fuck on This is Us. The rest of the Broadcast top 5 is all England. Gladiators which is American Gladiators but…you got it, BRITISH. Call the Midwife (Period Piece, think cholera the TV show) and Death in Paradise (NCIS on the beach) all sit nicely in the Top 30 of the championship and are two of the more watched British shows accross the board.
On the streaming side (which is data from last month), Fool Me Once took first place with 2.399 billion watch minutes, it’s some British ass ghost show and people love British shit. The rest of the Top 5 is pretty run of the mill with your powerhouse wallpaper shows. Bluey is always scoring points for the youth and Reacher is still catching the “new season” wave for Amazon-MGM-Capitalist Hellscape Studios taking 3rd this week with 1.058 billion watch minutes. Young Sheldon is a new wallpaper show and it’s ending this year, so it will catch a new wave of streaming over the next few years.
Anyways, that’s pretty much it. I’ll be coming back every week showiong you who scored points and goofing on these shows with you. Here is the World shows’ Championship as of week 24…See ya in week 25!!!!
